HOW CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSERS JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS
“The RATIONALE”: Chapter 12 of “No Tears for my Father”
Vigaland Book Podcast #14 of the Memoir, “No Tears for my Father”
An abuse victim who has read my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, recently told me that reading my story, hearing my words and what my father said to me and how he justified what he was doing, was almost identical to what she too had been told time and again by her abuser. Of course. That didn’t surprise me at all. All of these child sex abusers tell their victims the same thing and use the same excuses or explanations for their actions:
“It’s normal! All fathers do this to their daughters!”
“No point telling anyone. Who would believe you anyway?”
“It’d be your word against mine…”
“What’s the big deal? I’m a man; you’re a woman. This is what men and women do!”
Oh right! Sure. But it’s not what fathers should be doing to their daughters…at least that’s how I felt about it. But none of what I felt mattered to him. That was something else I just couldn’t understand. I was his child, after all!
The more I speak with victims of sexual abuse, the more I realize what a hopeless battle each of us faces when we are living with an abuser. Double that if you’re a child. Children don’t have any experience in dealing with this kind of thing. They don’t have the skill, the smarts, to reply, especially if the abuser is a parent or relative. Factor into that those who are afraid of the abuser, so afraid they won’t speak up, don’t dare object because that would constitute disobedience. And after all, we teach children to obey their parents, don’t we. The Bible preaches obedience. It’s sinful to disobey. And so it goes…on and on.
Listen to today’s podcast of Chapter 12 of my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER. Listen to how he manipulated me and justified his actions.
Perhaps those who’ve been fortunate enough to have never faced an upbringing like this, the total mind-fuck an abuser inflicts, will understand just a bit more why a child doesn’t tell the other parent or another relative, especially if that child is an only child with no-one else to tell…as I was.
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