In today’s Vigaland #MeToo podcast, we hear from TRISH, a non-celebrity who has stepped up to share her true #MeToo story. Find out more about Trish below this transcript. I hope you will visit her blog and I know that just as I do, she would welcome your feedback on her disclosure.
I was only 18 years of age, but wise beyond my years; my parents were newly separated and my mother was going through a real rough patch. I had learned many years prior that I was a fan of any attention I received but truly loved the attention of men. I had been working at a popular fast food restaurant chain in Dundas until we moved from the opulent family home into a modest townhome on the West mountain managed by myself, occupied by my suicidal mother and young teen brother who was disillusioned with being the man of the house.
My father was missing in action, sleeping with any bar whore he could find only surfacing to torment my mother with his antics then departing, leaving us with her battered ego and self-loathing hatred. She became a mere shell of who she was, no longer vibrant and alive but depressed, starving, and eager to blame anyone but herself for where she was at.
I had transferred to another location owned by the same franchisee which was a 24-hour operation. This meant I could work more hours. Work at that time was an escape from the chaos that had become my reality. The team atmosphere was awesome: they always put school above the needs of the organization. My home life was hectic but the dysfunction of living with a prescription-addicted mother and a self destructive father had come to an all time high of non functional daily mishaps. Working at this location was especially fun because they had a ball room and a supply cage downstairs which you could hide out in while restocking to avoid having to go out and clean tables or toilets.
The main manager was a no-bullshit kind of man, large in stature who many years later ended up passing suddenly of a heart attack. I was married then and worked for his sister at a local wine Shoppe. I had no idea she was related to him until I heard his name when he had passed. I recalled at the time of his death he had warned me of the people to steer clear of when I started “Watch out for that one…He seems to have a thing for every pretty young thing that starts”. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I would joke and brush off inappropriate comments made by this other manager I was being warned about.
His name was Roger; he had transferred through a few locations to my recollection. And when he began to flirt with me I rather enjoyed the attention since it was better than what I was getting at home. Roger was married with two children and very much a predator from what I recall. He had carried on a few year affair with another of my coworkers and rumour had it he had possibly gotten her pregnant once. She aborted. I found much of this out when it was far too late.
I would work the late shift with Roger and he would get me to help him restock the cage getting very close to me while doing so. I knew there where cameras in the restaurant so I assumed someone would see before things got carried away. Instead, on more then one occasion I was approached by his mistress with a warning “You think your special? He’s done this to most of us watch yourself girl”. I had no idea what she was talking about since he had only brushed across me from behind a few times I simply thought it was innocent enough.
Roger was tall, thin and by all accounts an unintimidating man with a great sense of humour, though often far too sexual for the workplace. He was a manager we all loved working for. I realized one late night shift in the cage what his mistress had been warning me of. I was upstairs working drive-thru in the restaurant and the manager’s office was downstairs. He called me down to help stock something from the cage. It was there that like too many other experiences in my life I learned I was an object of desire. It seemed I was put on this very earth to tempt men into situations they should know better then to initiate.
As I entered the cage, Roger was in the far left corner. As I came in he called to me: “Can you come here and help me with this?” The prior day we had gotten the large weekly delivery so the cage was full of large boxes blocking the entrance so the cameras couldn’t view this far corner. As I approached, Roger grabbed at my hips gently pulling me closer to him. I didn’t resist since I was embarrassed. I had entertained his jokes and I liked the attention he had bestowed upon me. Sometimes he let me take a longer smoke break, show up a few moments late; he’d even given me a ride home. As he pulled me closer whispering in my ear “I’ve been waiting so long for this moment to have you all to myself…to tell you how much I want you” I thought ‘Wow… this man is married! Does his wife know?‘
I didn’t resist as he pulled me even closer and kissed my neck; slowly he made his way up the side of my neck to my ear moaning as he pushed his erect penis into my hip, then pulled me closer as his penis throbbed inside his pants, aching to get into mine. His lips moved past my ear to my cheek, then my mouth. As his lips brushed mine I felt both violated and horny, not sure of what I was getting myself into but knowing it felt good to feel this passionate. That event ended abruptly when the restaurant got busy and we were called back upstairs via the headsets worn during our shifts.
There would be far too many other encounters in that cage before I stopped it all for good. Roger would drive me home from time to time and eventually his other mistress took a leave of absence and I never saw her again. In the summer of my 18th year I had started college. Roger and I had, by this time, had a few heavy make out sessions in his car but never much action past kissing and heavy petting. This was far less than many of the other violations thrust upon me in my 18 years of life so it wasn’t really a big deal to me at that time.
I have no idea why I was okay with letting him use me or why I didn’t think anything of the fact that he had a wife and children. Had I become just as heartless as the many women who lured my father away? Surely I had, because who does this sort of thing to another woman? I began to think more often about his wife since she had come into the restaurant a few times with the children and I felt so bad for his betrayal. I promised myself that when I got married I would never violate the trust of my vows since that is a sacred union. You want to satisfy your sexual desires? Then you leave you don’t hurt the people you claim to love!
I didn’t love Roger. In fact, I began to resent how he preyed upon any new thing that started working there. I never warned her like I had been warned: it wasn’t my problem since I’d be leaving this job soon. It’s not like anyone was going to stop him; they would just move him to another location like they had before. So one day he drove me to school and parked in the lot outside across the street. He had tinted windows making it very easy to fool around in broad daylight. This day he was fevered in his advances, anxious and very aggressive. He was going on about “I want to be with you so badly”. I explained I had been seeing someone and that I felt horrible that he was being dishonest with his wife. He said that “she wasn’t the same after kids and couldn’t give him what he needed”. Even at that young age, with little life experience, all I could think of is “Have you asked her what she needs?” But I didn’t have the courage to say it.
I explained that things were getting serious with my then boyfriend (who would later become my fiancé only to have the wedding cancelled because I didn’t love him either). I told Roger that we had to end things. He protested saying “he needed to be with me and how could I lead him on like this”. I didn’t understand his hurt since I hadn’t approached him; I wasn’t the one in the power position. Shit! I was a broken, lost, young girl that he had taken advantage of while he was a cheating lying husband who preyed on young girls in the workplace. I was a victim, like far too many others before me and probably a few after me. I couldn’t believe he was actually trying to make me feel guilty for his transgressions.
He was really emotional that day. I can’t clearly recall, but I’m pretty sure there were tears in his eyes as he explained I had violated him, making him think I was in love with him all this time. I didn’t return to that workplace after that day and I never saw Roger until I saw him at the local Mall about 10 years later. He was with his wife and children which made me feel so dirty. I wanted to approach him and tell him how cheap he had made me feel, but I now realize that it was in fact possible, that long before we met, Roger may have been violated and was also screaming #ME TOO!
Vigaland comment for our listeners/readers: “So what do YOU think? Was Roger also a #Metoo victim or not? Please leave your comments below this blog.
Do you have a #MeToo story to share? Contact the editor, Viga Boland, through this website. Thanks!
Hi, I’m Trish. I’m a Suburban hippy, who loves the convenience of the city but prefers to spend time in Northern, Ontario with nature. I am hobbyist Jewelry Maker living in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. I am a fan of yoga, writing, the outdoors, and mindful crafty creations.
Nature is my inspiration; Creation is my therapy!
Through Mala beading, following a motor vehicle accident, I am learning to cope with some of the changes in who I am . I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression I find that focusing on the beauty of creation helps me step outside my mind.
I blog my journey of recovery, holistic approaches I’ve tried and spiritual growth on my site.
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