THE DOMINO EFFECT of #INCEST and #CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

19 Comments

  1. Mary Graziano
    Mary Graziano June 3, 2013 at 12:11 am .

    Wow Viga, so powerful, and so true. It is a “domino effect” that can ruin so many innocent lives. Love is what all children want, I didn’t get love from my mother, but got it from my father, sometimes in a good way, and that was the love I wanted, but then he would tell me that this is what all little girls did with their daddies, just like you said, and that confused the hell out of me. It wasn’t the love I wanted, it wasn’t love, but how was I to tell? I knew my mother would never believe me, so I blamed myself for letting it happen. That mixed up little kid didn’t know what was right and what was wrong and true, thought that it was better than no love at all. Boy remembering that sure hurts now, how horrid, to even think back at it now. But thank God I was able to break away from and move on as an adult, but it took so many years to believe in my heart that I was not to blame in any way shape or form. We do need to talk about it, end the cycle, end the “domino effect.”

    1. CRUISEROO
      CRUISEROO June 3, 2013 at 2:39 am .

      Thanks for your wonderful comment Mary. You have confirmed what I wrote in that blog, using your own story as an example. And yes, when a father “nicely” does this to his daughter, how utterly confusing it is to a young child who has yet to learn the difference between his kind of love and the love she wants and needs. Makes me wonder too what was missing in your parents’ marriage that he turned to you for his needs … a question I’ve asked myself over and over about my own father. Or is it just that our fathers had some warped streak in them and didn’t acknowledge the difference themselves. So hard to know …

      1. Toni andel raya
        Toni andel raya March 19, 2015 at 1:04 am .

        I am the mom …no there was nothing missing from the marriage on my part. From day 1 we had good sex…..He just never had a high sex drive.

    2. Mary Graziano
      Mary Graziano June 3, 2013 at 4:27 am .

      Yes it is hard to understand Viga, I remember as a child and as I lay there scared, with my eyes closed, trying so hard to fall asleep, but knowing what was coming. When he did come into my room I kept my eyes closed and pretended I was asleep, as he fondled me from top to bottom, I wondered why is he doing this to me? What gave him the right? Because I was a child and couldn’t fight back? I can still see his hands, he had big hands, his hands always scared me. I’m sorry I’m rambling here..Sometimes I don’t think he knew the difference and certainly didn’t think it was wrong..Thinking back to all this, is bringing a flurry of memories back to me so I am going to sign off here, Your writing of your book is going to be fabulous and needs to be out there to save someone, and I know it will..hugs my friend..<3

  2. IAMicried
    IAMicried June 3, 2013 at 1:55 pm .

    As an incest survivor, I certainly can relate. Powerful post here, Viga. The scariest part and most definitely the hardest, was (for me) sitting down with my parents & my now husband. Opening up about the incest, telling Mom in front of Dad details of what happened. Dad denied everything, Mom didn’t believe me. Once I crossed that line of healing, part of “the lie” was put to rest. “The Lie” being, the fear, the mental shame & guilt of the incest, the wondering what was on the other side of my journey to healing. I see people for what they really are, I see the whole incestuous past, for what it is, I see my future for what it can be. The cycle must be broken, if not for me, then for my children, my grandchildren and their grandchildren. Open your eyes, as well as open your mouths. Incest is a silent destroyer of everything good and beautiful in life. Our children. Thank you, Viga, for your strength & resolve to help other incest survivors.

    1. CRUISEROO
      CRUISEROO June 10, 2013 at 5:05 pm .

      Thanks darling for taking time out to leave your comment here. I think I replied briefly in our facebook group but forgot to do so here. What courage it must have taken for you to face your father in front of your mother. And how typical was each of their reactions!! Him denying it and her not believing it. I’m curious about their relationship after the revelation? Did she ever question him further? Is she still with him? Did she ever come to you as a mother should and talk about it further? Or did it all just get shushed up! Makes me so mad as that’s what seems to happen in most of these cases. Like I so often say, when even mom doesn’t support her child or believe her, she is as guilty as the abuser! Accessory to the crime for which we, the victims, do the time!

      1. Toni andel raya
        Toni andel raya March 19, 2015 at 1:38 am .

        I agree with you so much!!!! I am a mother of an incested daughter…..any woman who doesn’t believe and support a child thru this godawful life rending experience. …is not a mom but a demon herself!!

  3. kjmajick
    kjmajick June 9, 2013 at 6:10 pm .

    I, too, have been speaking out & encouraging others to do so as well. I absolutely agree that the Obly way that we can change the way child predators are viewed & dealt with is to speak out & put the shame, hurt, stigma, etc., back where it belongs! On & With the predators! I feel that those who defend & protect them deserve @ least equal consequences/punishment or @ the very least, exposure. I come from a generational incest/molest family & I am evidently the only person who has spoken out against it & been unwilling to accept &/or ignore it or “just get over it!”, as I was so often admonished to do. I have endured & survived some Horrible things for refusing to Stop or accept it. It began from infancy & then my Mother, started studying w/JW’s when I was 11 & it was the perfect religion to get a victim to believe that all the awful things the predators say are True! I left when a 14 yr. old, female babysitter w/a millionaire “Elder” grandfather molested my children. It’s a long & complicated story! I have been told by IDK how many different people over the years that I need to write a book & hope to do so someday if &/or when the imminent danger is finally over, if I live to see that day! @ years ago this last April 9th, the day before my Birthday, a nearly 70 year old, decades long predator & once an Elder who in fact gave myself & my now Ex-husband our premarital counseling, molested my Granddaughter when she was 4 1/2! My Mother was dating him & they were close friends for many years. She is also the one who recommended the 14 year old babysitter! Seeing a bit of a pattern here? This man was a well known & respected “businessman” here & had a lot of “connections”, both w/corrupt cops, wealthy businessmen as well as Gang members & drug users. He had money & resources as well! When the 1st officer came to take the statement, I was told to tell no one about the investigation or I would be arrested & charged with obstruction of justice! After they quit even bothering to try & pretend like they were going to do anything & all the evidence as well as the interview that was recorded, mysteriously “disappeared”, I decided that since they told me to tell no one, I was going to tell Every & Anyone who would listen! Both because I wanted to expose him & I felt an obligation to do so to hopefully protect other innocent children. For a year & 1/2, the nightmare continued until somehow, someone heard me & reopened the case! He was about to be arrested but got a heads up from a cop friend & decided instead, to borrow a gun & blow his brains out! All this is just part of what’s been going on for the last several years & doesn’t touch on the rest of my story! So Yes, Please, any & everyone who has been or is still being Hurt; Find the courage to speak out! We must Unite & Demand Change! They should be hunted down like the Terrorists they are!

    1. CRUISEROO
      CRUISEROO June 10, 2013 at 5:00 pm .

      Wow .. that is one of the most horrendous stories I’ve heard to date … and I am hearing far too many of them in my private group on Facebook. If you are on Facebook, I hope you will ask for membership in our group. Please visit this url one you login: https://www.facebook.com/groups/speakoutfromunder/

      You confirm and validate so much of what I’m trying to get across in this blog, in my book, in my poems and in my posts and interactions with my group on Facebook. This is a scourge that has gone on for eons, that people still try to pretend isn’t happening. Victims are being re-victimized over and over when they try to speak up. But I truly believe that the more we victims speak up, blog, write books etc., that denial we all encounter will be weakened, if not eradicated and that somehow we can teach our vulnerable youngsters that keeping quiet is the last thing they should be doing.

      I would like to share your comments here with my group. I’m sure the reactions will be swift and shocked, even though so many of them have experienced the same. We never stop being shocked by others’ stories, and if we are still shocked, then what about those who don’t even know or think this could possibly be happening? If shock is what it takes, then I say, let’s shock them into awareness!

      Thank you so much for commenting and I truly hope you will, indeed, write that book one day. I’ll be first in line to buy it.

      Viga

  4. Vesta Duvall
    Vesta Duvall July 19, 2013 at 8:12 pm .

    You won’t feel so alone and downcast when you meet people who share the same experiences. You may find it hard to hear what others have gone through, but this will help you express what you wanted to say as well. You went through the same things, in essence. Well, others might’ve encountered worse, but the thing is, you can gain strength and positive beliefs when you hear from others too. Your book will inspire many people. This will not only help victims of incest, but others who were sexually abused too.

    Vesta Duvall @ Zalkin Law Firm

    1. CRUISEROO
      CRUISEROO July 20, 2013 at 2:45 am .

      Exactly Vesta … and thank you so much for commenting on this post. I think there are many victims out there who think they are the only ones living this nightmare and the actual figures on incest are quite staggering. It’s far more widespread than anyone realizes. That’s why it’s so important that victims not hesitate to seek out others like them as there’s truly comfort in numbers and knowing we are not the only ones and definitely not alone. Thanks for supporting my effort with my book. I too hope it will inspire and encourage others to speak out from under incest and child sexual abuse. We CAN do it!

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