I can look at my past as destruction:
Destruction of what I might have become
If the past hadn’t happened …
But what would I then have become?
Would I have become a better person?
More loving? More caring?
More sensitive to the pain others endure?
Or would I have become more like those other others:
So absorbed in themselves and the acquisition of “things”
The pursuit of their own pleasures
The satisfaction of their “wants”
That they don’t feel the pain of those with nothing
The gnawing inside an empty life
The longing inside a lonely heart
The unspoken fears of an abused child
The silent tears of a loved one
The tumultuous torment of a terrified soul
I can look at my past as the destruction
Of whoever I was born to be
But who was that? I only know me
I can look at my past and live a life of regret
A life filled with memories I cannot forget
A life filled with rage forever suppressed
Or I can take who I have become and say
“This is who I am now!
Battered but beautiful
Tortured but trying
Worn but wiser
Used but useful
A good person who gives a damn about others
Because I know how it feels when others don’t give a damn
And I am proud of who I am!
©Viga Boland, author NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER