When you write a book as close to your heart, to your whole essence in fact, on a subject as sensitive and hidden as incest as I have done in “NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER” it’s similar to taking off all your clothes and walking naked down the busiest street in town: the internet. You don’t know if baring your soul, telling your truth, exposing your sordid past in such graphic detail will bring praise for your courage or condemnation for your failure to act years ago. But you do it anyway, hoping that by doing so you might encourage some other victim to do likewise.
That’s how I approached writing this book. And as I say on my website, there are those who should read it and those who shouldn’t.
After receiving a review on Goodreads from a reader that left me feeling a little flat, I’ve decided that I now need to add another category to “who shouldn’t read this book”. The reader/reviewer gave the book a 4-star rating and left some very positive comments which I appreciated. But she also said she felt let down as I did not go into more detail about how I recovered from years of abuse.
I need to address this: NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER is not a self-help book and was never intended as one. It’s not therapy for the sexually abused. I am not qualified to write such a book. I cannot even begin to explain how I recovered over the 40 or so years after I was finally away from my abuser, my father. All I know is I embraced the chance life had finally given me to enjoy it with my new husband and I couldn’t enjoy it by living in and forever remembering my abusive past.
I also knew I had to make up for a lot of lost time: my father had stolen my teen years … all of them. I’d missed out on so much being isolated by him and not allowed to live a normal life. Once away, I have spent the rest of my life catching up, trying to do everything he never allowed me to do. And again, how could I do that if I was forever remembering, agonizing, flashing back?
Please don’t think for a moment that I didn’t have down times. Of course I did. I still cried when I was alone, wanted to scream and yell when I got angry at anyone … my husband, even my lovely children … and I still had to hold myself back and not want to end my life from time to time. But something, the survivor in me, said NO, my life is worth so much more. There was some reason I had been freed from my hell and I was going to find out what it was. In time, I did:
Reason #1: To ensure that my husband and girls had a good life and that we grew in love as a family, I had to grow out of hate and anger. I had to focus on the gain, and not the pain.
Reason #2: To eventually write my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, so I could encourage others to speak out from under their own hellish past of sexual abuse.
You see, I did achieve what I set out to do with this book: it was always, first and foremost, a story … my story … my own true story of incest. It was never meant to be a book like “THE COURAGE TO HEAL”, which I strongly recommend, by the way. And there are many more such books on the market, written by qualified people.
So, if you want a book geared toward helping you recover from childhood sexual abuse,
NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, is not what you’re looking for. But if you are looking to learn about this hideous, hidden sickness happening in so many homes and want to get into the mind and manipulative skills of an abusive parent and understand what it does to a child for years after, then you will find this book interesting, eye-opening, along with disturbing and infuriating as so many readers have said. And if you are a victim who isn’t looking for my book to heal you, but to encourage you to speak out from under, then this book is a must-read.
And it’s now available in both printed and e-Book form directly from my website at THIS LINK.